Wednesday, September 14, 2011

college essay

My life has a few main influences that my world revolves . To start off, Dirt-biking, my favorite yet expensive motorsport. I needed to be able to fund this hobby. My father is a brick mason, so as a child, there was always work to be done. Loading and moving bricks, bags of mortar and cement, tools and such on. This business was in the family, so i was in the business. I've been helping my father a lot more lately because he broke his shoulder and had some minor heart problems. At first i was against it, but the more i helped, the more i understood that it can be my future so i starting paying more attention to what was going on.
                  Dirt biking really inspired me to work harder because i was in the market for a new dirt bike when i started to work with my dad more often. I knew my parents had helped me out a lot in the past, but this had to be on my own. It was fine by me because if i had paid for it myself, no one can take it away. It also came with pride, responsibility, and respect. My goal was set and I was very rushed on getting there. The time limit was as soon as possible, so i was in a slight hurry. I spent many time-consuming hours starring at the television monitor i set the old family computer up to. I greatly enjoyed researching and searching for new bikes.
               It seemed as if i spent every summer day with my dad going to work and learning more about construction.Other kids would go out everyday and play games and sports while i was doing things such as moving stacks of bricks for a full grown crew of workers. I would, from time to time wish i wasn’t trying so hard because i would get phone calls from friends asking to hang out and go swimming, but i had to reject them. Now, more of my friends have jobs so they understood what i was doing and i believe i gained more respect from my friends and peers.They knew what it was like to work all day and then be able to hang out, but be tired and sore. The workers said things such as, “Having a job at such a young age builds character”, in broken English.
                Well, more than a summer has passed since i really started going to work with my father and skilled labor crew. I was at the point where my dad would drop me off at the corner of Bancroft street, stay for about ten minutes, then leave for 4-5 hours at a time, although it seemed like forever. I spent a lot of time just moving material from pallets to places like under the pomodora orb statue so they can replace the dirt and grass with new granite cubes. So after a lot of jobs and time has passed, i felt like i had enough money for a quality used dirt bike, and i found a few. I called and checked them out, and one of them stood out to be the shiny new part of my family. A crispy 2002 Honda cr250.The first trip i took it on was to Dumont Dunes in southern California, a great place with sand as far as the eye could see.
             I can see my self doing this as a profession. Going to work and using my creative skills to build house, fire places, and walls. Solving problems and social skills are also greatly involved in this job. My dad was a mason and started his own business so i figured i would be apart of that.

3 comments:

  1. I like your essay, but it would really help my eyes if you could break it into paragraphs!! 6_9

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  2. Thank you, i thought i did. Ill try again

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  3. There's a lot of good detail in here, a solid start for sure. My biggest concern is that it feels like an "extra topic" is tacked on here and feels kind of clunky...the dirt-biking part. Don't get me wrong, I know it's an important passion of yours. But in this case, it really distracts from the focus of your story, which is not WHAT YOU SPEND YOUR MONEY ON, but WHAT YOU LEARNED BY GETTING AN EARLY START WORKING. The difference matters for a cohesive essay.

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